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Fabio Capello lends Silvio Berlusconi a hand

15th April, 2011

Under fire Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi may wish to reconsider the decision he has reportedly made not to seek re-election after it emerged that England football manager Fabio Capello had pledged to vote for him in the future. “I voted Berlusconi before and I’ll vote Berlusconi again” said Capello, eager both to show his staunch support for his countryman and to demonstrate that his disregard for the English preposition is strong enough to survive translation. Capello, worried that his declaration of solidarity with Berlusconi wouldn’t serve as clear indication of his commitment to conservatism, also expressed concerns about immigration: “28,000 refugees arriving from North Africa — it’s too much,” he declared, tossing the keys of his luxury car to his Libyan valet, telling his Moroccan maid to make sure that Saturday’s Armani suit had been pressed and summoning his Tunisian chef to demand that dinner be served at 8 o’clock sharp.

See that foreign-looking fellow over there? Get him!

Capello was swift to defend accusations that during his tenure as England manager he had often taken away jobs from players of pure Anglo Saxon invader stock. “I recognise the burden that immigrants — and their hordes of verminous offspring — pose to stable western democracies,” he may have said, “but we must channel the immigrants’ natural exuberance and physicality into an arena where it can be a force for good  — entertainment. This is why I often have strong and athletic foreign players like Jermain Defoe, Aaron Lennon, Wayne Rooney, Phil Jagielka, Ashley Cole and Rio Ferdinand in my squad. Immigrants, if they can’t be exterminated, should be kept in fields appropriate to their prodigious physical and limited intellectual capacities.” Capello did not go so far as to explain his Prime Minister’s predilection for underage Moroccan prostitutes dancers in the same terms. He then departed before his own status as a migrant worker in the United Kingdom, where he is currently depriving an indigenous charlatan the chance to pocket over £6000000 a year, could be queried.

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3 Comments
  1. Francesca permalink

    Haha! I really enjoy the way you write, Luxury Player. Hats off for your story about Capello!
    It doesn’t strike me that Capello has always voted FOR Berlusconi and will support him again in the future – poor Alfano, he must feel upset now that his potential career as prime minister is in danger! And neither does his disregard for grammar (in any language!). However, his racist comments surprise me a lot. From a man who works in a multicultural environment like football, where he has to do with players from different countries and cultures, one should expect a different reaction. I’m afraid that you are right in your assumptions regarding what he thinks about his players.
    I’d rather not know how he would explain Berlusconi’s relationship with (underage) women. I can do without his sexist comments.

    The first story, instead, leaves me speechless.

    • Thanks, Francesca. Indeed, it seems strange that anyone who has worked with the multi-ethnic, multi-racial, multi-cultural, multi-whatever-you-please squads that Capello has done over the years would hold such views. I refer you however to the case of former manager and pundit Ron Atkinson who was caught on camera calling a player by a disgusting and racist term. Atkinson was actually well known for helping bring through some of the first black British footballers at a time when footballers of colour were frequently subjected to the vilest abuse from suppporters. Sport is dangerous in that it allows fans to fetishise supposed racial traits such as speed and athleticism rather than see all sports players as human beings. Nowadays many an English fan would be quite happy to have a Ghanaian winger or full-back under the assumption that he could run the hundred metres in close to 10 seconds, but those same fans might well have very little positive to say about Ghana or Ghanaian culture. In the same way Capello can accept the players of various races with whom has worked with in the past as physical specimens who are employed to do his bidding, without having much positive to say about them as people.

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