Fabio Capello lends Silvio Berlusconi a hand
Under fire Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi may wish to reconsider the decision he has reportedly made not to seek re-election after it emerged that England football manager Fabio Capello had pledged to vote for him in the future. “I voted Berlusconi before and I’ll vote Berlusconi again” said Capello, eager both to show his staunch support for his countryman and to demonstrate that his disregard for the English preposition is strong enough to survive translation. Capello, worried that his declaration of solidarity with Berlusconi wouldn’t serve as clear indication of his commitment to conservatism, also expressed concerns about immigration: “28,000 refugees arriving from North Africa — it’s too much,” he declared, tossing the keys of his luxury car to his Libyan valet, telling his Moroccan maid to make sure that Saturday’s Armani suit had been pressed and summoning his Tunisian chef to demand that dinner be served at 8 o’clock sharp.
Capello was swift to defend accusations that during his tenure as England manager he had often taken away jobs from players of pure Anglo Saxon invader stock. “I recognise the burden that immigrants — and their hordes of verminous offspring — pose to stable western democracies,” he may have said, “but we must channel the immigrants’ natural exuberance and physicality into an arena where it can be a force for good — entertainment. This is why I often have strong and athletic foreign players like Jermain Defoe, Aaron Lennon, Wayne Rooney, Phil Jagielka, Ashley Cole and Rio Ferdinand in my squad. Immigrants, if they can’t be exterminated, should be kept in fields appropriate to their prodigious physical and limited intellectual capacities.” Capello did not go so far as to explain his Prime Minister’s predilection for underage Moroccan
prostitutes dancers in the same terms. He then departed before his own status as a migrant worker in the United Kingdom, where he is currently depriving an indigenous charlatan the chance to pocket over £6000000 a year, could be queried.